I did not envisage this whole blog to be a 'woe me' piece of work and certainly I write with the general intention for it to be read. I write pretty much how I see things. You could say it's my reality and no-one else's though i'm sure
others go through similar things and some share similar views. This blog started years ago in a far different place at a different time and in a different state of mind. My relationship then too was still fairly fresh and I entered it with positive
thoughts and intentions to build a solid future. Like the blog, the relationship had its ups and downs.
Anyhoo, it's been a little over 3 months since the storm of separation raged and the train I was on ran out of track. Of course there
is anger and hurt, bewilderment and regret throughout this process. This then leads to reflection on life before, during and after, not an easy thing to have to work through at any age. The loss of a relationship is like the loss of a family member, in fact
in our case the two had intersected though i'm still not sure which came first. I saw recently on social media a post that spells out what I am still working through. It said “When dealing with painful events → Let it hurt, let it bleed, let it
heal and then let it go.” In this grieving process I'm not sure which stage i'm in, sometimes it feels like I go through all of the stages each and every day.
The relationship as a whole has certainly taught me a lot and for
that I am truly grateful. Some of the lessons were fun and exciting, definitely ones to repeat while others were downright difficult and painful. Spending everyday for a long period of time in someone else's life you get to know the good, the bad and the truly
awful. I thought I had seen it all but then the storm was let loose and I had to finish cutting the already frayed cord. There were not many strands left. In doing so I too was cutting and running, never a good way to operate. During
our time together I took it all as part of the package and learnt to deal with it. In fact, when there are issues you should try to bring them to the table, so to speak, and work on them not just avoid them with a toss of the hand or by running away.
To get tossed aside because of other turmoil is one thing but then to find out through others that the person gave up on it all a fair while back, a few years ago by one account, really seems like sticking the knife in and then giving it a
good twist. How you can do that to one described as a 'proud and supportive partner' is beyond me?! I guess this description, though true, is their way of not entirely burning that bridge. Still it hurts like hell and makes me stagger through the valley
of death. What?! Am I being a bit melodramatic or cutting too close to the bone? You will just have to stay with me readers to find out.
By the way, finding out about the separation on social media is bad enough but it could
be dealt with in some ways however seeing public posts that suggest that there was some secret being guarded for years and finally said goodbye to then is much much worse. Almost unforgiveable in my books. I may not have had access to the full social media
stable at the time I saw this but I had the next best thing ie Google and anything that is put in the public domain is there for all to see. Things seen can not be unseen. To then shut the door after the horse has well and truly bolted with not
even an explanation is really that step too far. All I did was finally ask the question in the most appropriate format. Surely that did not embarrass you? Well, that slammed that particular door shut.
Survival so far has
involved therapy and a large part has been on self-examination and self-care. Self-care includes activities such as walking, quiet contemplation and writing. It also means attending to the day-to-day requirements of somebody
who left a job, a house and the place they were residing to return to family far away from the trouble zone. This has seen me volunteering again, joining organisations of interest and re-engaging with old friends online at least.
The blog, on the other hand, keeps going and so does my writing. In fact, I have just entered another piece to my favourite magazine for their writing competition. Hope it wins. Like all my writing of late this piece seems to be about the
same subject. The entry piece is written a bit differently, ie as a close observer rather than in 1st party. I would love to win first prize or even runner up as it means my work would be validated
and appreciated by those in the know. Obviously it is up against very many others and so I cross my fingers that I have done enough this time to cross the line first. I shall, as a matter of course, let my readers know how that goes and I might even put the
piece of work up here for anyone to read.
The piece of writing for entry is only 1500 words so not a huge read. The closing date is very soon and results usually dont take long. This competition is about The Future
and my piece explores what the future looked like 7 years ago, what it looks like right now and what it may look like in the years to come. Like all my writing it is not perfect but it is what it is and I hope the powers that be see it that way. Wish me luck...